{"id":2527,"date":"2020-12-06T09:48:59","date_gmt":"2020-12-06T17:48:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2527"},"modified":"2020-12-06T09:49:04","modified_gmt":"2020-12-06T17:49:04","slug":"last-night-i-ate-too-much-chili-and-oh-boy-did-i-release-the-kraken","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2527","title":{"rendered":"Last Night I Ate Too Much Chili, And Oh Boy, Did I “Release the Kraken”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Former Trump\nlawyer, Sidney Powell, recently announced during a press conference that soon, VERY\nSOON, she would, \u201cRelease the Kraken!\u201d  Which,\nof course, made everybody immediately ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A. What is a\nKraken?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B. What\nhappens when you release it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A quick\ninternet search will tell you that \u201cthe kraken\u201d is a mythical sea creature dating\nback centuries in Norwegian lore.  This monstrous\nbeast has giant tentacles, and after eating too much chili, attacks unsuspecting\nfisherman.  Even Aquaman keeps his\ndistance after this thing\u2019s had more than a bowl. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sidney\nPowell has not revealed how a giant sea creature can help President Trump prevail\nin his effort to overturn what appears to be a clear victory for \u201cGood Ole Joe.\u201d  On the other hand, Krakens are \u201cHuge.\u201d  So, I can see how Trump\u2019s attracted to this disgusting\ncreature.  I mean, let\u2019s face it, he was\nattracted to Omarosa.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, \u201cGood\nOle Joe\u201d thought Powell was talking about his favorite breakfast cereal.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At this\npoint, you may be asking, \u2018Jack, thank you adding kraken<\/em> to our vocabulary,\nbut when would we ever use it?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thank you for asking, inquisitive fictional reader!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a few\nexamples of when you can slip the word \u201ckraken\u201d into a sentence to impress your\nfamily, friends and coworkers:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. If you\nare, by chance, employed as a hotel bellhop, using this term will impress your\nguests and result in larger tips.  When explaining\nthe room\u2019s features, after pointing out the tv remote and the mini refrigerator,\nyou might add, \u201cAnd this is the switch for the bathroom fan.  Be sure to flip it on if you\u2019re going to release\nthe kraken.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. If you\nreturn home from a first date, and your roommate asks why you\u2019re home so early,\nyou can succinctly explain, \u201cI pick her up, but as we were driving to the movie\ntheatre I slipped, and accidently released the kraken.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. If you\u2019re\nloading up for a long road trip to grandma\u2019s, you can announce to everyone in\nthe car before leaving, \u201cLook, I\u2019m only saying this once, roll down a window if\nyou are going to release the kraken.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, I\nhope General Mills is paying attention, because The Kraken really is a good\nname for a breakfast cereal.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Former Trump lawyer, Sidney Powell, recently announced during a press conference that soon, VERY SOON, she would, \u201cRelease the Kraken!\u201d  Which, of course, made everybody immediately ask: A. What is a Kraken? And, B. What happens when you release it? A quick internet search will tell you that \u201cthe kraken\u201d is a mythical sea creature […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2529,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[989,988],"class_list":["post-2527","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-kraken-humor","tag-release-the-kraken-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/Kraken.jpeg?fit=3607%2C3024","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2527","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2527"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2527\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2534,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2527\/revisions\/2534"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2529"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2527"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2527"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2527"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}