{"id":2100,"date":"2020-04-19T08:13:32","date_gmt":"2020-04-19T15:13:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2100"},"modified":"2020-04-25T07:50:35","modified_gmt":"2020-04-25T14:50:35","slug":"the-top-ten-things-you-need-to-do-to-prepare-for-the-end-of-quarantine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2100","title":{"rendered":"The Top Ten Things You Need To Do To Prepare For The End of Quarantine"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Good news!  Pretty soon your exhausting schedule of getting up at 10 a.m., eating ice cream straight from the container and pondering how many days it\u2019s been since you last showered will come to an end.  Now is the time to prepare for your transition back to the \u201cNew Normal.\u201d You may be wondering what the “New Normal” will look like.  Media pundits are saying this is a very difficult question.  I\u2019ve given this a great deal of thought.  Here is the answer: Exactly<\/em><\/strong> like the \u201cOld Normal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are the\nthings you need to do to prepare to reenter the \u201cOld Normal.\u201d  (Print this list and tape it to your\nrefrigerator):<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nTen: <\/strong> Stop drinking before noon.  (5 p.m. for you \u201cgo-getters\u201d).  I know it\u2019s been a few weeks, and you may\nhave forgotten, but normal people don\u2019t drink during the workday.  I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nNine:<\/strong>  Set your alarm for 10 a.m.  Then keep setting it back another 15 minutes a\nday.  You\u2019re not in college.  It\u2019s time to get your a** out of bed before\nnoon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nEight:<\/strong>  Cut back on the time you spend watching cat\nvideos each day to three hours.  Yes, I\ndo know they\u2019re amusing.  Yes, I know\nthis is asking a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nSeven:  <\/strong>Reduce your number of Facebook posts each\nday to ten.  I am NOT disagreeing with\nyou \u2013 The photographs of EACH AND EVERY one of your meals IS fascinating.  How about this compromise \u2013 You can tell your\nfriends what you had for breakfast during your morning break.  (You can even show them pictures of your omelet\non your phone.)  They\u2019ll be riveted.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number Six:  <\/strong>Sit down with your cat and explain how much you appreciated his willingness to let you remain in his home during the day.  When you do this, remember that your cat\u2019s expression of complete indifference is his way of telling you he loves you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nFive:<\/strong>  Yell over your belly and down to your toes\nthat you hope to be able to see them again in four to six weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number Four:\u00a0 <\/strong>STOP.\u00a0 GRAZING.\u00a0 ALL.\u00a0 DAY. (Truth be told, this should probably be steps one through ten). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nThree:  <\/strong>Reacquaint yourself with a product you\nmay have forgotten.  It\u2019s called\n\u201cdeodorant.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nTwo:  <\/strong>Brush your teeth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Number\nOne:<\/strong>  Watch a YouTube video explaining how to let\nout your pants \u2013 AND GET TO WORK!  You\u2019ve\ngot A LOT of sewing to do!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wish you all the best of luck.  I am confident that if you follow these simple steps, you\u2019ll slide smoothly right back into the \u201cOld Normal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please do me a\nfavor \u2013 Comment and share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And subscribe!  It\u2019s free!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a \u201cThree\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also,\nbefore you leave \u2013<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Link below)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Link below)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Link below)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Good news!  Pretty soon your exhausting schedule of getting up at 10 a.m., eating ice cream straight from the container and pondering how many days it\u2019s been since you last showered will come to an end.  Now is the time to prepare for your transition back to the \u201cNew Normal.\u201d You may be wondering what […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[916,897,914,915,917],"class_list":["post-2100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-corona-humor","tag-coronavirus-humor","tag-covid-19-humor","tag-covid19-humor","tag-top-ten-quarantine"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2100","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2100"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2100\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2133,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2100\/revisions\/2133"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2100"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2100"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2100"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}