{"id":2074,"date":"2021-02-05T12:00:16","date_gmt":"2021-02-05T20:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2074"},"modified":"2021-02-05T12:00:21","modified_gmt":"2021-02-05T20:00:21","slug":"an-introduction-to-the-shocking-and-mysteriously-dangerous-world-of-bible-study","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2074","title":{"rendered":"An Introduction to the Shocking and Mysteriously Dangerous World of Bible Study"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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In my youth, it seems like I was always doing something dangerous.\u00a0 I climbed to the tippy top of tall trees.\u00a0 I drove jalopies with shiny bald tires and paper-thin brake pads down steep mountain roads.\u00a0 And perhaps most dangerously, I would tell women who asked me whether a dress made them look fat \u2013 THE TRUTH!\u00a0 However, I have long since settled into a far more sedate lifestyle.\u00a0 Now, my idea of \u201cliving on the edge\u201d is eating week-old pizza.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently,\nthis all came to a crashing end.  Before\nI explain, let me say that I am someone who believes people should take\nresponsibility for their own actions. \nAnd I like to practice what I preach. \nSo, let me be the first to say that the only person I have to blame for\nmy current circumstance \u2026 is my pastor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the\npurposes of this column, I will refer to my pastor as \u201cSteve.\u201d  Because his name is Steve Hill.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steve\u2019s been\nencouraging our congregation to read the Bible on a daily basis.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t get me\nwrong, I lie about reading the Bible as well as the next guy.  But Steve\u2019s really<\/em> been on a roll\nlately.  So, I decided to step it up.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have read the Bible before, but it\u2019s been awhile since I\u2019ve read the beginning.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s been so long that I\u2019d forgotten how super X-rated it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you haven\u2019t\nread the Old Testament, brace for impact! \nBut, like all those pharmaceutical commercials advise – consult with your\ndoctor before you begin.  Only read it while\nsitting in a chair where you can safely faint. \nAnd keep a cold beverage within reach – an ADULT beverage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are\nsome examples of what I\u2019m talking about (and this is just at the beginning!) \u2013 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Example\n1.  A man named Lot has a wife who\ndisobeys some angels.  As a result, she TURNS\nINTO A PILLAR OF SALT! (Can you even imagine what her doctor told her about her\nsodium level?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Example\n2.  God commands Abraham to KILL his son Isaac,\nAND Abraham comes within a NANOSECOND of actually doing it!  The kid is already tied up and laying on a pile\nof wood!  (Try explaining THAT to Child\nProtective Services!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Example 3.\u00a0 Noah gets hammered on wine and passes out naked as a jaybird!\u00a0 (They didn\u2019t put THAT in the movie!) And I\u2019m not even going to tell you what Noah does when he wakes up the next day, no doubt sporting a killer hangover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, because this is a PG column (unlike<\/em> the Bible), I will spare you all the SEXUAL escapades!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, the stories are riveting, but exercise caution.\u00a0 And like I said before, be sure to check with your doctor before suddenly diving in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my youth, it seems like I was always doing something dangerous.\u00a0 I climbed to the tippy top of tall trees.\u00a0 I drove jalopies with shiny bald tires and paper-thin brake pads down steep mountain roads.\u00a0 And perhaps most dangerously, I would tell women who asked me whether a dress made them look fat \u2013 […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2616,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[857,928,860],"class_list":["post-2074","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-bible-humor","tag-genesis-humor","tag-old-testament-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Bible.png?fit=1222%2C1024","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2074","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2074"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2074\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2624,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2074\/revisions\/2624"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2616"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2074"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2074"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2074"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}