{"id":2046,"date":"2020-03-28T09:07:58","date_gmt":"2020-03-28T16:07:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2046"},"modified":"2020-04-01T11:27:25","modified_gmt":"2020-04-01T18:27:25","slug":"nothing-says-quarantine-like-polishing-off-a-quart-of-ice-cream","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=2046","title":{"rendered":"Nothing Says Quarantine Like Polishing Off A Full Quart of Ice Cream"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

All of this \u201csheltering in place\u201d is getting a little old.  Mental health experts recommend finding a goal to accomplish during this time.  For example \u2013 Reading books you\u2019ve had trouble finding time for.  Studying a foreign language.  Crocheting a blanket.  As it turns out, my goal appears to be putting on 20 pounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my zeal\nto achieve my goal, I may be overdoing it. \nIn fact, I\u2019ve decided to implement a hard and fast rule to keep myself\nunder control: I am strictly limiting myself to a MAXIMUM of four meals a\nday.  And yes<\/em>, I have<\/em> been\nenforcing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not to brag about being an overachiever, but I\u2019ve decided to accomplish a second goal (to work on between meals).  This is to invent a million dollar product and appear on Shark Tank.  I\u2019m employing a tried and true principle of product development: \u201cFinding a need and filling it.\u201d  Of course, this is easier said than done.  All the really good products that I might have been able to develop in my garage during the next few weeks have already been taken \u2013 the crescent wrench, bullet trains, the Flowbee haircutting system.  I found myself stuck.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

UNTIL TODAY!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before you\nread any further, you have to promise not to rip off my idea.  Okay?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[I\u2019m serious!\nStop reading NOW if you don\u2019t agree to keep my genius invention strictly\nconfidential.  This is LEGALLY BINDING people!]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here it is \u2013<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are familiar with the \u201cbeer koozie\u201d?  This is that soft foam sleeve that you put a can of beer into to keep it cold?  (It\u2019s essentially a beer overcoat.)  Well, as I was laying on the couch eating ice cream straight from the container (as I am apt to do), my hand was heating up the outside of container.  This was causing, literally, a major meltdown.  So, yeah!  You got it!  A koozie for a quart of ice cream!  I am even designing it with an ergonomic handle, so it won\u2019t accidently slip when you reach for the remote, or awkwardly stagger to your feet to go use the can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is important that I make one thing clear: I am NOT calling myself a hero.  I\u2019m just a regular guy, like you, trying to enjoy a serving (one quart) of ice cream while I watch Gold Rush.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This I pledge to you \u2013 I will not stop in my pursuit of the perfect ice cream koozie, even if I have to lie on the couch and polish off a hundred quarts of ice cream.  I am doing this for mankind.<\/em>  I am doing this for YOU.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it appears that as a result of my dedication, I\u2019m on target to reach that 20-pound goal.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Got a moment?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please do me a\nfavor and comment and share!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, consider\nsubscribing – It\u2019s free!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a Three\nMinute Vacation for your Brain<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out these great\nbooks:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lawyer\u2019s\nSong: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Rules for\nthe College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seven Secrets You\nNeed to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All of this \u201csheltering in place\u201d is getting a little old.  Mental health experts recommend finding a goal to accomplish during this time.  For example \u2013 Reading books you\u2019ve had trouble finding time for.  Studying a foreign language.  Crocheting a blanket.  As it turns out, my goal appears to be putting on 20 pounds. In […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2047,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[897,908,907],"class_list":["post-2046","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","tag-coronavirus-humor","tag-coronavirus-quarantine-humor","tag-quarantine-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/jocularious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Ice-cream.jpeg?fit=4032%2C2107","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2046","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2046"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2046\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2067,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2046\/revisions\/2067"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}