{"id":1468,"date":"2018-08-25T22:20:34","date_gmt":"2018-08-26T05:20:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1468"},"modified":"2018-08-25T22:20:34","modified_gmt":"2018-08-26T05:20:34","slug":"cant-touch-cellphone-people-can-drive-freeway-ladies-legs-sticking-top-cars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/?p=1468","title":{"rendered":"I Can’t Touch My Cellphone But People Can Drive Down the Freeway with Ladies’ Legs Sticking Out the Top of Their Cars?!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Oregon has a new law forbidding the use of cellphones while driving.\u00a0 It\u2019s extremely <\/em>strict.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s so strict that even thinking<\/em> about touching your phone while driving is punishable by death.\u00a0 Okay, maybe not that<\/em> strict, but darn close.\u00a0 The first offense is a big fat fine.\u00a0 The second offense is a bigger fatter fine, and the third offense (and I am not kidding) is punishable by up to six months in jail.\u00a0 You read that correctly.\u00a0 You can get tossed in the slammer for changing the music on your iTunes app.<\/p>\n

Potential <\/em>Future Jail House Conversation \u2013 <\/strong><\/p>\n

Meth addict with a picture of Satan tattooed on his forehead, \u201cWhat\u2019re you in for?\u201d<\/p>\n

Me, answering in a quivering voice and slightly peeing myself, \u201cTapping the Google Maps app on my phone to reroute around a traffic jam.\u201d<\/p>\n

Our lawmakers were so concerned about the dangers of using a cellphone while driving, that they made the law apply to everyone.\u00a0 Absolutely<\/em> everyone.\u00a0 No exceptions.\u00a0 Because, as I stated, it is so <\/em>dangerous.\u00a0 Oh, wait a minute.\u00a0 There is ONE exception \u2013 police officers.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Big shocker, Oregon\u2019s new law does NOT apply to cops.\u00a0 Apparently, cops undergo a rigorous training course that teaches them specialized techniques which enable them to safely drive while chatting on the phone with their girlfriends.<\/p>\n

So, imagine my shock when my wife and I were heading north on Interstate 5 south of Portland yesterday when I spot a car with what appeared to be a bunch of women\u2019s legs sticking out the top.<\/p>\n

I nearly had an accident yelling for my wife to take a picture of it, so that I could report this clear and present danger to you, the driving public.\u00a0 Even though I knew I was risking bodily death backing traffic up in the fast lane behind me while my wife snapped a picture.\u00a0 I felt it imperative to bring this disturbing transportational development to your attention.<\/p>\n

When I initially spotted the legs, my first impression was that they were all women\u2019s legs.\u00a0 In retrospect, I think the bright yellow tutu on the right caught my attention.\u00a0 However, my astute wife, Julie, announced that a number of the legs appeared to be MEN\u2019S legs!\u00a0 Upon further review, I think she\u2019s right.\u00a0 Here is Exhibit #1 \u2013\"\"<\/a>Now, I can understand why someone would find it beneficial to drive down the freeway with women\u2019s legs sticking out of the top of their car, but I have to draw the line somewhere.\u00a0 No one, and I mean no one, should risk a multi-car pile-up over the revulsion of seeing a bunch of gross hairy men\u2019s legs sticking out of the top of a car.\u00a0 It\u2019s just wrong.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m writing a letter to my state representative, and telling her that we need to amend our new cellphone law.\u00a0 We need to forbid, once and for all, allowing men\u2019s legs to stick out the top of cars.\u00a0 And the penalty should be stiff.\u00a0 I suggest a mandatory minimum of six months in the slammer \u2013 PER HAIRY LEG!<\/p>\n

_______<\/p>\n

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______________________________<\/strong><\/p>\n

Also-<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check out these great books:<\/p>\n

The Lawyer\u2019s Song: Navigating the legal wilderness<\/em><\/strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2K41Tax<\/p>\n

Seven Rules for the College Playground –<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2IqXxgn<\/p>\n

Seven Secrets You Need to Know to Hire the Right Lawyer –<\/strong><\/p>\n

https:\/\/buff.ly\/2roFIov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oregon has a new law forbidding the use of cellphones while driving.\u00a0 It\u2019s extremely strict.\u00a0 In fact, it\u2019s so strict that even thinking about touching your phone while driving is punishable by death.\u00a0 Okay, maybe not that strict, but darn close.\u00a0 The first offense is a big fat fine.\u00a0 The second offense is a bigger […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[738,739],"class_list":["post-1468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-car-legs","tag-cellphones"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1468"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1468\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1474,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1468\/revisions\/1474"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jocularious.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}